Poison - Random Thoughts...

I didn't even open my eyes and I can feel the chills running down my spine. It feels like a cool spring breeze flowing threw the sleeves of your t-shirt, only these chills carry pain.
I would try to lay there as long as I could take it. I did this because I knew once I woke the day started and I was off to somewhat of a routine.
A routine that consisted of pricking myself with needles, stealing from stores, sometimes people, and most of all exhausting my soul more and more each day.
Some days I wanted to do it and the days I felt like not doing it I didn't have a choice because my body wouldn't let me do normal things unless that poison ran threw my veins.
In order to do simple things such as spend a nice BBQ with friend or family, or both I had to make sure I had plenty of poison in me and for me.
So many times I secretly wished that I would be putting too much and it would kill me.
It killed me all right. It killed me sluggishly, and made my soul wither away prick after prick, and night after night.
I tried to strain the poison from my body time after time, so many I lost count. It seemed that even after the poison was out of my body it was still in my mind. Still there whispering to me lies and promises.
Even after jail, and pain caused to my mother and my friends I still went back.
Today I still fight with that whisper, that poison, those chills.
I do not wish this on my worst enemy.

Beautiful Relapse?

Crazy week.
I went to the dentist yesterday for a cleaning and she took X-rays and she told me she couldn't even clean my teeth because she needed to correct 5 yes FIVE and the cleaning would come after if not later.
So she sat me down, numbed me up, and away she went.
She pulled 3 and took out cavities on 2 of them. She stitched up where she pulled out the 3 they were all in a row. I was in her chair for over 3hours.
Almost 40 hours later it still hurts.
I swore that I will never let anything like this ever happen again and I won't!
I don't want to be 40 years old and have no teeth in my mouth! ( like him ) I will tell you that I had no problems with my teeth until I got onto the program.
Even in all my years of getting high my teeth were fine, pretty much perfect really. Then once I got on the program they started cracking and hurting! So all that bullshit they tell us that it doesn't have any effect on your teeth is total crap!
The new tenants still have not moved in. I think there going to do it this weekend but still not sure. no big deal because there all paid up so I could care less really.
Eminem came out with his 5TH solo album called "RELAPSE".
All the songs are dope but "Beautiful" is the one I'm feeling the most. Here are the words and the song is posted at the bottom.
I got it and rock it on my ipod and even when I'm at my computer and never get tired of him.
He has not came out with a solo album in 5 years and the main reason was because he was addicted to pills and fell bad into his addiction.
His right hand man Proof was shot down and killed and that made him go into a deeper depression.
When this happened he overdosed on methadone pills.
He has talked about it in many articles and interviews.
Just a short one checking and hope all is well with everyone out there!
Stay Up!

Kiss My Dogs Ass!

I'm sorry but I'm pissed off right now.

My friend Judy who has her children in foster care got a visit for today and she brought them to my park for me to see them, play with them, let them see the dogs and so on.
So we were playing and I had Harley, and Myla only.
Now the main reason why I only brought Myla and Harley is because they are the most friendly dogs EVER.
People were coming over to pet them and play with them and everything.
2 park staff members come up to me and tell me that as long as they are on the leash it is OK.
Well after playing in the park for about an hour or so cops come in the park and say that I can't be here with them at ALL and I need to just take a walk.
Well I did take about 10 minute walk and then I came right back.
As soon as I sit down the cops came right back and Joann, Judy's sister told me they were walking over with there ticket pad in hand.
So right away I get up and we leave.
So whatever. The kids were leaving to go to either Joann's house or there own so I walked them to the train.
Once I got home I took Bandit out for his walk.
I walk into the park where the dogs are allowed to be and stay because it is the adult section of the park.
As soon as I step into the park I see a cop and she comes up to me with the only fucking attitude saying "your the reason I have to be here"
So if you know me then you KNOW I have to respond and not let something like this go.
She also said that people were calling and complaining saying the dogs were attacking the young kids.
Mind you as she saying this to me 1 of the staff members was standing there.
So I responded with "did you not tell me that as long as I had them on a leash it was OK. Also that I am allowed to be in this area with the dog as long as it was on a leash, and whoever called and said my dogs were attacking kids are fucking liars!"
She said are you cussing at me
I told her that I have freedom of speech and I can say whatever I like to whoever I like I have not broken any laws, and just say the truth your just mad because you have to actually do your job and stand on your feet!
she made some comment about "running me in"
I shot back with "for what? walking my dog on a leash in a park area where I am allowed? Let me tell you something my father is one of the head lawyers of New York top firms and if you THINK about doing something stupid I will bury you with a lawsuit and have you working in Alaska!!!"
After that she said something like "just make sure he is close to you" I told her her will walk however he wants as long as he is on his leash!!

Yo I got so freaking heated! These people who have only lived here for a year or so think they own the hood.
They think they own the park and once they see a pit bull they grab there kids and go far away.
I mean sometimes it bothers me but if your THAT dumb to think every pit bull is a killer then so be it. However don't call the cops and make up nothing but lies!
Then just because your a cop doesn't mean I have to give you respect. In my book you have to earn it!

Sorry for the rant it just got me soo mad. I was having such a great time with the kids and everything and here comes along the cops and the phone calls spewing nothing but lies and just because there pit bulls they have to be trouble dogs?!?
People need to stop looking at what everyone else is doing and look at there own dam selves!
Stay Up!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

Just a quick blog to say happy mothers day to all the mothers out there.
If you have a child or dog or cat or some kind of animal either way your a mother!

So I hope everyone will enjoy there day. No stress. No drama. Just good times, and good vibes!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY EVERYONE OUT THERE!!!!

Rought Draft..

As you can see I changed my blog up a bit. Just added a few new pix, alot of aniamsl, some mine and some from my good peeps, also links to some new sites I go to alot.
Also put up some pictures of my peeps that I talk to a regular basis.

If there's a problem with your picture being up there then please let me know right away.

This is just a rough draft as to what I want it took look like and I will probably spend more time on it later on this week.

So honestly what do you think?
Stay Up

Stamp Out Hunger!!

This is something I have been trying to tell as many people as I can about it.
It seems to me that everyone I have told in person kind of just shrugged it off, but then again I have to remember the type of people I told.

Anyways it is called "Stamp Out Hunger".

It starts May 2ND
It ends May 9Th

All you need to do is get whatever non perishable food you have that you don't want or need and bring it t your local post office.
They will then bring it to the food banks and people in need of food will get it.

So here is the link to the site

If you could link it on your blog or email your friends, or make a collection at your job, anything you can do to help would be great and I think it is for a great cause.

Anyone who knows me, knows I am all about animals, which I am.
However this is something that I think is a really cool thing that could be done to help alot of people.
Today money does not come easy and believe it or not some people need to steal to eat, and I'm talking about people who are working legit jobs and I know this because I have seen it with my own eyes.
So lets get down and do this!
Stay Up!

Early Morning Thoughts...

Well it is 3:45 am and I am still awake. I have been watching some classic movies on Youtube like "Panic In Needle Park". I love that movie.
The first time I ever saw it, was when it was playing in BAM here in Brooklyn.
Gypsy and I went and saw it. It was my first time seeing it, but not for her. It was really cool seeing it on the big screen I must say.

I'm reading blogs, emails, also emailing my homie Shane because he is up as well. Only because theres a like 5 hour time difference so he is up at somewhat a normal hour.
I didn't work this week. My so called "friend" totally flaked on me.
Said that he was only able to use me for 4 hours and pay me 20 bucks. Now if you do that math that's 5/ hour. I'm sorry but I'm not a Mexican. I told him forget it, along with some other choice words.
I wasn't mad at that fact that what he wanted to pay me
I was mad at the fact that he asked ME to work and help HIM and then totally dissed me you know?

Also not to mention I did him a big favor by uploading his art, ( if that's what you want to call it, to me a 2 year old can draw better but whatever ) uploaded it to myspace, and made a slide show for him and posted up bulletins, and went all out on the thing for him.

See lately this is what is turning me off to people.
People seem to take my kindness for weakness and it's making me be a total fucking bitch. It's making me be cold. It's making me not want to even help people.
I try to do a few nice things for people and then you give them a quarter, they want a dollar.
Like I said just turning me away from even wanting to meet anyone, or talk to anyone, or do anything for anyone....

On an brighter note Gypsy and I went out to dinner tonight. We had a good time and just relaxed and enjoyed ourselves.
Something we surely needed.

Well almost 4am and I have to be up soon
Hope all is well with everyone!
Stay Up!