Saw 4

I don't know about you guys but I loved every single "SAW" movie they made.
Going to my moms house tonight I looked at the usual posters on the trains and seen the new one for SAW 4! I couldn't believe my eyes! I didn't think they would be able to come back from the last one!
As soon as I came home I went on the computer to see the trailer for it and what else the site had for me to read and see.
Of course I loved it and watched it 5times to see if I could get any hints from it. It comes out October 26Th and I cant WAIT! Anyone else love them as much as me?

Bad Bad Blogger!

I just wanted to let my peeps know that I am alive and I'm still here.
Alot has been going on this past week. I have been trying to get my apartment with my wife somewhat renovated.
Were looking to get a new couch and we had to get rid of the old one of course. I asked my wife did they take the door off the hinges when bringing it in and she said no. So I went to try to get it out the door and the fucking thing got STUCK!
Now the door and stairway is blocked! Now what? Well we called the fire department and the GREAT MEN of the FD NY came and saved 2 women in big distress. They we rent very happy to not see a fire when they came and said "were not movers
you know".  However they moved it back into the house where I broke it the next day.
Today I moved the washing machine out because the fucking thing broke so we need to get a new one because I just hate having to go to a laundry mat, and lugging them to my moms house is a heavy trip for me.
So I'm going to take it apart tomorrow so we don't need the FD NY to come again.
Also my mom scared the shit out of me by saying that her hernia was purple. I looked some info on the net and it said that if it was purple to call your doctor right away.
So she did, and she went to see her and the Doctor said everything was fine and gave her the name of a surgeon to take care of it and I will be going with her to see how that goes.
I went and saw her today and looked at the hernia and its wasn't purple at all and in fact what she saw was her veins. I was relieved but wanted to slap her upside the head at the same time!
I'm just glad that shes ok, shes my world, she does soo much for me.
Today she called my brother to tell him something and he was very rude. I could hear because she had it on speaker to hear better. I grabbed the phone and screamed at him "how dare you talk to her like that, show some fucking respect for your mother you fucking scumbag"!
Of course he hung up the phone after some few choice words. My mother says oh just let it be hes probably tired from work.
I didn't care that was no reason to talk to her like that and it made me so mad!
Right now my mother is going threw a tough time with her health and she needs as much support as she can get and those words just stung me and I hated to even have had her talked to in that manner from her own son. A son she did so much for and sacrificed so much for.
I realize shes not going to be here forever and it kills me, I'm crying as writing this. I love her so much and the thought of her not here scares the living shit out of me!
Well that's about all for now. I hope everyone is doing well and feeling good.
Till next time.......................sKILLz

Monday Night Lineup!

Not much happened today. I was happy to get a letter from a friend of mine that is in Texas prison. He sent me a kick ass card along with the letter. He cant draw so I know he must have paid for it. I'm going to see if I can send him some money come the beginning of the month because that card was just so beautiful.
Other than that Prison Break, and Heroes were kick ass as always. Tonight was Prison Breaks 2nd episode of the season, but it was the premiere of Heroes and man I just love those shows.
Also Weeds and Californication were on tonight and they disappoint not a bit. They always keep me laughing and guessing at the same time!
Does anyone else watch any of these shows?
Oh and this Sunday starts the new season of Dexter!!! I cant freaking wait!!

Let start the week out right!

On a lighter note I got alot done this weekend. Alot of laundry that is! I did about 2 big duffle bags filled, plus some stuff I ordered came and now I have a even bigger wardrobe.
One thing I always loved having was clothes. I love being able to open my closet and being able to see and decide what I going to wear that day. Its a good feeling.
Today is monday and Im going to TRY to start off the week right. Whatever happens, happens I have to realize I have no control over it and hopefully things will work out!
Took LOTS of pix this weekend. Maria and I went into the city and I caught a few good ones there. Im up early because Gypsy has an apt and I said I would go with her, she still sleeping but after this post Im going to go and wake her up with the smell of a fresh cup of java!

I hate Fake Poeople!

First off I want to say sorry for not posting in like a week or so. Alot has been going on and sometimes I don't even have the motivation to come on here and post it.
One thing that's been really bothering me is that I have been trying my best to help my friend Linda who's husband is locked up, and because I wasn't able to go with her one fucking day to Rikers Island so he can get the stuff that I GOT FOR HIM (shirts, tank tops, boxers..etc) she caught the only fucking attitude with me.
So on Friday (we were supposed to go on Thursday), I see her with this cunt Joann, you know the on that be talking mad shit about me, the one who hates on me every chance she gets, the one who snitched on me after I punched her in the face and basically was the main reason I got kicked off the program. I see her walking with the cunt, and the cunt is wheeling the stroller. Then when we catch eye contact me and Linda she mouths the words" you fucked up". I looked at her like she had 3 heads and mouthed right back " I fucked up"??!?
So I walked outside and as i walked outside I noticed that Joann took the baby out of the carriage. See her SICK mind thinks that if she takes her out of the carriage I wont got over and say hello to the kid. LIKE I GIVE A FUCK!!!!
Anyway I talker to Linda I let her fucking have it, I told her you Linda with me having an open case I don't think its the best thing going into Rikers, also I have my own problems, also I was the on that got you almost everything you got for Tone. Also who's been giving you smokes everyday, who's been giving you a dollar here and dollar there, swiping her on the train because she had no money, took time out to write to Tone,
took the time out to take pix with my digi send them to your sister so she can print them out 
to Tone,it might not be much be its the fucking thought that counts. Also who was the one who took YOUR baby a $60.00 hoodie and a $30.00 onesie that was baby bottles with the Warhol colors.
Plus what about the last time he was "away" when I helped you then basically the same things only that time I went and asked my mother if you could deposit checks that were in Tones name so you can get the money,
and I did, and you had the money the next fucking day.
When i was talking to Gypsy about this she said "what made you think she was any different than anyone else you meet in a methadone program" I REALLY did think she was different. I don't know why but I did.
So now I'm like fuck her, anything you need now go ask Joann.
First off Joann cant do for herself, she lives in a shelter with not a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, do you REALLY think that shes going to be able to help you!?!! See I can do for Linda Joann cant, and if Linda wants to be a lil cunt like Joann then let her be. Im not going to do shit for her.
Oh and the kickers was that she was mentioning how she has 2 checks of Tones at home that she cant cash and one one the way, oh well let Joann have then cashed for you.....oh wait she don't have a bank account so she CANT cash them for you, you dumb bitch!
Then she tells me "I'm going to McDonald's with Joann, wait for me here I will be right back. Don't go anywhere I need to talk to you." I smoked a cig and then I left.
I'm not going to wait for you and her? Im about a 1/2 inch away from beating the shit out of Joann!
Plus someone told me that Joann and this other cunt Star were making comments like "she needs to get her own kid, and why is she so obsessed with your baby"
Are they out of there fucking mind!?!? I DON'T WANT ANY FUCKING KIDS I HAVE DOGS!
There the ones that as soon as they see Linda they run up to her and snatch the baby away from her!
You know it just got me really mad because she tells me all these things that Joann and Star say about me, how "oh she thinks shes all that because shes got new this and how is she going to afford her habit and where does she get she money from" and SO MANY other things  could say that the more I talk about it the more I wanna just wait for her by the program and beat the shit out of her!
Again starting today there's going to be a new me, a me that tells people "NO" no I cant help you, no I not going to go out of my way to help you.
I also found out that Tone copped out to a year so hes going to be away for at LEAST 8 months, lets see how Linda does without me that whole time!
Believe you me there will be reports!

A Sunday To Remember..

It was a Sunday, and Sundays were always the hardest day to make money for some reason. I wasn't the only one who felt like that, many others would agree with me that Sundays were a shitty day. If it was a Sunday and it was raining you were fucked 2 times over.
I opened my eyes to my wake up and did my morning ritual. Once the effects had worn off and it gave me just enough energy to get in the shower, and brush my teeth.
I went out having some shit to sell that I had boosted from the night before. It was taking me forever to sell this shit but I finally did it. I was the type who would get as much as I could and then go and cop. Not make 10bucks cop, make another 10, cop and so on. I would make as much as I could then hopefully get some kinda deal, and take my shit home and get as stoned as possible.
Well after making my money for the night I went to the usual spot in the south side. I saw my regular dealer sitting outside and caught his eye. He went into the building and I thought he was getting me my shit. Then this guy who I had seen before came up to me and told me that he was working and he would be serving me. So after telling him that I had 75 bucks for 10bags he agreed and we both went into the building together. He took me to the back of the hallway and he went into his crotch area. Normally that's where most dealers kept there stash. But something just didn't seem right, he was nervous and fidgety. So I said fuck this and went to leave. As I went to leave he grabbed me and threw me against the wall. "give me all your money" he said as he put a razor to my throat. I tried to tell him to be calm and said I was getting it out of my pocket and to just chill out. I went into my back pocket where I always had a knife and pulled my knife out and pushed as hard as I could into his ribs. He screamed like a lil bitch and at the same time I kicked him away from me, he then came down with the razor and caught me on the side of my face.
I then screamed at the top of my lungs, "come on fucker lets do this, oh your not as brave now cause I got a knife huh?" he then looked at his wound and the blood on his shirt and his hands and then ran up the stairs as fast as he could. I then went outside bleeding like a pig from my face. The owner of the spot saw me and I told him what happened. He then gave me what I came for, for free and sent me on my way. He never meant for me to get hurt and was now on the lookout for this scumbag that tried to rob me. I then went to one of my homies and told him what happened. He was so mad and wanted to kill this guy. He went and got his gun and went we looking for him. We couldn't find him after about 1hour of looking and decided to give up.
About a week later I was talking to someone about had happened and they told me they knew of the guy and that he was trying to do it to anyone and everyone. He had pushed his luck to far tho. He had tried it with someone else and they beat the shit outta him and the cops got involved. He is now serving a sentence of 7-9years in prison for being a scumbag.
In all my days of copping, and doing my dirt that was the one and only time anyone had even tried to rob me. I honestly thought that everyone knew I was no and easy mark and wouldn't even try some shit like that. I do have a lil scar on my face left over from that day. Its very small and if I didn't point it out to people then no one even sees it. However ti didn't stop me from going back to that very same building and getting my drugs. It was a Sunday to remember tho I will tell you that!

50 Or Kanye?

Today both 50Cent and Kanye West are putting out there newest albums.
I cant front there both REALLY hot! 50Cents new "I got money" and his hit with Timberlake "Ayo Technology" is banging them out!
Also I'm reallying feeling Kanye's new shit " Big Brother", "Stronger" and "Cant Tell Me Nothing".
Today they were both on 106 & Park on BET channel. they both rocked it! Kanye even had Jay-Z come out! I was loving it!
It just ended and I think 50Cent said he was leading in sales so far. 50 also made another comment somewhere saying that if Kayne beats him he will stop making music.
I also cant wait for The Basement on BET tomorrow because Jim Jones is going to be on and 50Cent stops by and they have a lil chat.
For those that don't know alot of people thought that these 2 had a beef going on. When asked today what that was all about 50Cent said that it was all Camron who was starting shit, and that 50 never really had any beef with Jim Jones or DipSet.
They also implied that Jim Jones might become a member of G-Unit, now that I really doubt because Jones has been with Dipset since day one. Would be a good move money wise? Of course, G-Unit makes tons of money, that's all they do day in day out!
So back to 50 and Kanye, who's album are you going to cop, or are you going to cop both like me?

Alot Going On!

Sorry I haven't posted in a few. I do have a few things to say and let my peeps in on.
I am done Dog sitting for Petey. I went to his moms house the night before she came home and cleaned the messy place she had for about 2hours or so. I thought she would be happy to see that I did it for her but I think she was more embarrassed than anything. Either it was because I cleaned or because I touched her shit, or that she maybe thought that I thought she was living like a pig and felt the need to clean her crib. It wasn't that at all. I cleaned because I wanted to, because I thought it would be a nice surprise for her to come home to a nice clean house as ANYONE would want.
Well whatever no biggie. She did tip me but only because I took VERY good care of her doggy! It was only 20bucks but hey an extra 20 is fine with me!
Anyway, Monday comes and I had to get up early to go to the eye Doctor with my mother. She was VERY worried because they were going to do laser surgery on one eye to help prevent glaucoma.
She thought she was going to have to wear a patch and dark glasses and this was going to be something scary and so on. Turns out that it was so simple and she didn't need any of that. The Doctor was great and she and I both felt very comfortable with him. It only took about 1hour total and she needs to go back same time next Monday for the other eye.
Then after that I went back home with her and slept for about an hour or so before heading over to my program. When I got on the train I ran into a good friend of mine and saw her daughter who I love. However she had some bad news for me. She ( Linda ) told me that her boyfriend and baby daddy was arrested yet again, and is facing some serious time. He ( Tone ) is a known booster. ( Someone who shoplifts )
He got caught this Saturday in Macy's and there charging him with burglary because he wasn't supposed to be in there to begin with and also because he was found in a freight elevator where staff only goes. So now hes looking at LEAST one year, and his bail is $7,000.
Not only is all that going on but the people that should be helping her pay her rent haven't been and shes in threat of being evicted out of her apt.
I told her to show the letter to my wife and talk to her because she has worked in Landlord / Tenant court for over 13years. So anything having to do with that she knows all about. So today we were supposed to meet up for lunch but it was pouring rain out today so we didn't meet up. However Maria did give her advice over the phone and let her know what she needs to do so that she doesn't lose her apt.
Other than that today is 9/11 and its been 6years since that tragic day that I think everyone knows of. Being from NY and being here that day I remember where I was that day and moment and how I remember how everything was and felt. I was telling Maria that about 1week before it happened, I got fired from my job, and I used to work right behind the World Trade, I used to have to walk threw it every morning to get to my building.
I cant even begin to imagine what those people had to go through. The ones who jumped out of the windows because they didn't want to burn to death. The ones that were buried under all that ruble for hours and out of those only 20 got freed.
It was crazy today it looked like night time and it was only 2pm. I watched some of the name readings 
on TV this morning and it just hits home so bad. All those people who lost loved
ones! They showed some people crying so hard, some people holding signs, and people with roses putting them into the circle that they made for them.

I want to take this chance to pray for the souls that were lost in 9/11 and the families of those who lost loved ones! Also to the troops who are out there fighting for us!

Petey!

On a lighter note I have been dogsitting for this lady who went to Mexico. She left last Sunday and should be coming back this Sunday. My girl emailed her at the beginning of the week and she didnt answer. Again she emailed her because we hadnt heard from her and still nothing as of now. I hope shes ok. I do love this dog and God forbid if anything happened to her of course i would take her.
Her name is Petey, shes a girl and shes about 5 years old and I love her to death! Shes really funny with Bandit. Bandit wants to play all the dam time and she just looks at him like get the fuck away. If he really gets in in her face she will bark and he jumps higher than a cat! So funny! I love them they could entertain me all dam day. Yes sometimes Bandit drives me insane because he just wants to play and get attention all the dam time but I fucking love him what can I say!

Venting...

Its almost 7am here now and soon I have to be up to go to my program anyway. The dose I'm on now is definitely not holding me. I'm on 60mg but feel I should be raised but at the same time I don't want to be raised. The program I was on before I was on 70mg and it was the cherry. (I'm on the white now). I got kicked off that program for fighting but that was some bullshit anyway. I'm sure I will explain exactly what happened in another post at another time.
So when I was being detoxed off the last program I remember how hard it was, and how horrible I felt. Especially when I got down to like 20 and 10mg! I'm talking feeling like real shit! That's why I'm so scared to be raised, I don't want to be on this forever. I don't want to come to the program walking with a cane, have to come in a access a ride or God forbid a wheelchair or something crazy like that.
You can see what people were in front of you doses were and sometimes I see 150mg all the way up to like 230mg! Now even when I was shooting 20-25bags a day do I even begin to think I would need 230mgs. I do know that certain medication eats the methadone up and that's why some people are on such a high dose. However I do know that some people are just plain greedy and want as much free methadone as they can get. 98% of the people there do not pay, they have Medicaid here and that pays for everything. It will pay for teeth but do they go and get them? NO! They would rather sit in Dunkin Doughnuts and bullshit until early night about drama in the program, or who's fucking this one, or who's selling this, who owes this one this amount. When I tell you its nothing but bullshit I mean it, and usually I hear the same conversations over and over for DAYS! I keep saying that there is nothing I haven't seen but they continue to amaze each time.

There was a fight, blood was shed, pills were dropped in the blood and yes you got it someone who wasn't even in the fight picked the pills up bloody and all and ate them!! This is the bitch who ate them. Didn't even think to wash them off or anything, nope just popped em right on in and waited for them to take effect! Shit FREE PILLS, that's all they were thinking!

I take my camera out with me most of the time because normal people wouldn't believe it if they didn't see it. Just so happens the bloody pills day I didn't have my camera go figure.
I dread going there, seeing those people hearing the bullshit. Even with my iPod on they still come up to me and try to talk to me. Even when I shoot them dirty looks they will come over ask for a smoke and try to strike up a conversation. Sometimes I think they do it on purpose to fuck with me or sometimes they come over to check out what I have on and what I'm sporting.
They will spend their last dollar on drugs I will at least try to buy something to show for the money I made, so they get jealous when they see me in my new
Timberlands that they want and could have if they didn't blow all there welfare and hustling money on! Crazy thing is I don't get any kind of welfare, not even food stamps and I make money no matter what it takes. (as long as I don't sell my ass) I just could never bring myself to do that. I don't knock the hustle its just not my thing. Even if I have to go without so things can happen then so be it.
They don't see it like that. They will even go out and steal clothes but sell them all.
Shit at least steal something for yourself so your not wearing the
same rags day in
day out, and your not hating on my shit!
Oh and on Saturdays its even worse because its either they have been up all night smoking crack and drinking beer all the way into the morning and came to the program like that. Or they rolled right out of bed or wherever they were sleeping and came just like that. I swear this one bitch had all this lint, and fuzz in her hair it was crazy! You can play guess that smell in there on Saturdays I swear that's how fucking bad it is! 
I guess I'm just ranting now because I'm just going on and on about how I hate going there and seeing those people.
Thanks for listening.

Blades & Swings

I wanted to post more last night but I was so beat that I just posted about Cutie Pie and went to bed.
Last night I went to the park with my Rollerblades. Now I really don't know how to Rollerblade but I was going to try my best to do it. So the park has big ball field and alot of practise room where no one would bother me. I did pretty good considering it was my first time. I didn't fall not a once! I was so proud of myself. After about an hour or so of doing that I took them off, and lit of a smoke. There were the usual kids in the park that smoke there weed and drink and think there gangsta. Meanwhile I slapped one of them and they cried like a little bitch! There those lil white boys that try to act like there down and they know the streets  but that's a whole other post!
So I went on over to the kids area you know where the jungle jim and swings and all the cool shit is. I got on one of the swings and I went as high as gravity would allow me to go. As I'm swinging I couldn't help but think and wish I was a kid again. No worries, no troubles, no bills.
You wake up and your biggest fear is that its raining out and your not going to be able to go to the park to see your lil homies!
I cant front I had some good times as a kid, more bad but the ones that were good are embedded in  my head. Like the time I was swinging on the bars and my mom was holding me but said she wasn't and told me I was doing it all by myself and I thought I was the strongest mofo in the world. My mother always tried her best, and still does to make me happy.
What do you remember? There has to be something. Some kind of good memory from when you were a kid.
A time when you can close your eyes and see it so clearly it feels like you can touch it. Feels like you can hear everything from that moment, and if you tried real hard you could even smell everything!

Update: Cutie Pie

Well here's what I found out about Anthony ( Cutie Pie ). He was not doing as well as I thought. He was smoking crack and just running all Sat. and Sunday. The last person that I know of that was with him said that he was VERY stressed and he made a comment saying he was ready to just say "fuck it" and kill himself.
He said his wife and sons mother was drinking non-stop. She would wake up with a drink, drink during the day and go to sleep drunk. That was stressing him just as much. The woman nicknamed "Star" said that she just told him to go see his mother in PA and get some rest, go to the detox like he was planning on and just collect his thoughts and come back and start over again.
Which I totally understand, in this drug life you get stressed the fuck out. Stressed the fuck out to the point where killing yourself seems like the answer to all our problems.
Anyway, this is what really happened. He was on his way back from his mothers, and the car broke down. Now either he was trying to hitchhike or flag someone down, during this time a truck hit him and ran him over and kept going.
His body was mangled and all torn up. I finally got on the phone with his mother and she was just nuts and speaks broken English and it was very hard to understand her. Gloria his wife never even answered my calls. She never called me back nothing.
I wanted to just give a final goodbye, pay my respects to the family, something you know?
Well they cremated him and that was it. No funeral, no people to pay respects nothing! I miss him, I talk about him to people that knew him as well and we still cant believe it.
I know wherever he is now hes in a better place and hes not suffering. So Cutie Pie goodbye for now, till we meet again......you are missed!

Not Enough Time!

I havent been able to really sit down and post a few things that I want to tell my peeps here lately. I will try and get on tomorrow and let you all know whats what with this bitches life.
I found out some info on my homeboy Cutie Pie, the one that passed, and its not good.
Anyhoot, I hope everyone is doing well and everything is going good!
Holla back fuckers!

Tinys Got A New Home!

My foster dog Tiny has gotten adopted today by a wonderful family. we couldnt have asked for a better family. They have a great big house and over a 1/2 an acre of land for her to run around and play on. They also have another dog, same kind of breed with a mix of shepard.
They came over today from Phily. We went to the park with the dogs to see how they were with each other and how she would like the dog and everything. She was already in love with the dog before she even saw her in person. She had her heart set on Tiny really. Maria and I already talked about it all week and we said if we like her and if Tiny gets along with Ice (the other dog) then we were going to have to let her go.
It was a hard choice of course, and Maria and I were crying but we know shes in a good place. I took a bunch of pix from today.

RIP Cutie Pie

I found out that a good friend of mine has died recently. There was no funeral because the mother had no money to bury him. So he was cremated and they didn't even let his friends say a final goodbye or pay there respects or anything.
What happened was that he was driving on the highway, someone was pulled over with car trouble. He got out to help them and then a truck or car, but there more sure they think it was a truck from what was told by the person he went to help struck and killed him and kept going.
Whats really kinda of fucked up in my head is that he was just getting his shit together.

He was went to Rikers, to finish his last open case, so that was over with. He came home got off Methadone, and wasn't getting high. He was doing right by his 3year old son and his wife and family. He was working and doing good.

Then soon after he gets killed! What the fuck is this shit?! I just hate that another person I cared about is gone forever and so young. He was only 31. Left behind 2 children, the other mother wouldn't let him see the child she took him away from him, it was kinda like kidnapping but he didn't want to get the mother put in jail so he really only got to talk to the kid on the phone and shit like that. He also left behind a mother, brother and wife who loved him SO MUCH! She loved he so much it was crazy! She couldn't even talk to me about it. The mother speaks broken English and I speak broken Spanish so it was hard to understand her, but I felt her pain!
It just showed me once again how life is so short and fast. Here one day gone the next. Tomorrow is promise to no man.