I was reading this blog tonight about a woman who found out her husband who she had been with for 20 years was cheating on her with hookers. To my knowledge there still together and trying to work it out.
I posted a comment letting her know how I feel and this is how I feel on the matter.
I feel that once my partner cheats on me that's IT, its DONE! Once they do it even once the trust is gone forever in my mind. I feel like if you want to go do something just tell me I might be up for it. Couples should have that communication where if they want to do something sexually then they should be able to come right out and tell there partner what exactly it is they want.
In the sex department I'm not boring so I don't feel like my partner should even do something behind my back to where they would need to or want to do something that I would do with them.
I have told Gypsy things I'm up for and things I'm not, and the things I'm not up for if she wanted to go and do them all I ask is that I be there to watch, now I don't think that's such a obscene agreement do you?
Most partners would say no way and if you want to go do this or that you wont be my partner when you do it. Or they will go behind there partners back and go do it anyway. Then what?
Then they might just go all out and do it all the time. They might not.
However the damage is done in my mind.
I don't know her post just got me thinking and how I feel on it and everything.
How do you feel on it?
5 comments:
Before I found myself in this situation, I would have said the same thing you're saying. I thought I would have said "get the f out and get a lawyer and get very scared because I'm going to make you sorry you're still breathing!"
But when it happened it was different. The pain was worse than I ever imagined anything could be. My first thought was our son. My second thought was that I'd vowed to try to work things out, and I took that vow seriously. My third thought was that I needed to get to a therapist immediately.
The journey has been hard. For the first time in my life, I understood how people could kill themselves. Just to stop a pain that felt like it would never end. Sometimes I drank too much. But I did a lot of good things, too. Therapy, reading, exercise, reaching out to other people (strangers, even!) for support, which is something I'd never done before.
One of the things that's made staying together something worth considering is that my husband has been a willing, committed participant in his own recovery from addiction from day one. I can't imagine how I could go through this with a partner who wasn't 100% willing, who wasn't trying with 100% of himself.
It's been confusing, difficult, painful...but today I can say that all that has been worth it. We are healing. It's taking time, and it will take more time. But before this happened I would never have thought it was possible to recover love and trust after such a horrible betrayal.
I wouldn't choose this path, but I've learned a lot from it.
Please understand that I totally respect your decision. I think it takes alot for someone to try to make it work despite something like that happening. Trust me girl I give you mad props!
Feel free to holla at me anytime here or email me if you would like!
Stay Up!
WomanA and I are in the same boat.
I told my husband that I would absolutely leave if he ever cheated. And I absolutely thought I would. But he did, and it hurt worse than anything in my life, decimated my trust, but here I am, still working it out. And that's turned out to be a good thing. Go figure.
skillz - I felt your support 100%. I replied only to add to the conversation. I'm truly amazed by the path I've taken, because I never would have predicted the choices I've made.
I share this so others might gain strength in the choices they make, whatever they are, from my experience of finding myself doing the unexpected.
I am grateful to a higher power (which I would never have been able to say before) for giving me reason to pause before I charged forward with what would have seemed like an understandable response of cutting Husband out of my life. I only took this pause because of our son, and so much good has come from taking this unexpected path.
Trying to work things out is not the right path for everyone, and sometimes the right path is to cut the bastard loose.
The important point is that I now believe I may not know the right path until I'm standing in front of it, and if it's not the path I thought it would be, that's okay. When faced with the actual situation it may be wise to trust my gut over my intellect or my preconceived ideas of what the "right" response is. And to do that might require compassion for myself. And I hope I can always find that compassion.
I get it, I just don't understand it.
In all the posts we have made to each other MJP uncluded I want you to know that I respect it and dont knock it, and whos knows maybe if I was faced with it I might do different then what I stand by as well.
I wish you both well and to be strong, but in my eyes you both already are strong. VERY!
Stay Up!
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