Dam another post in a row? This has GOT to be a record. You know what it is, its that I have alot going on in my life and alot going on in my mind and I figure that before I blow the fuck up and end up in jail for taking my frustration out on the wrong person I might as well try to vent some of my shit on here you know?
Ok here it goes as you know from my last post my brother didn't even call my mother for her birthday and I know it hurt her and she told me not to call him and not get mad.
Well last night my brother called me saying he cant get in touch with my mother and he was getting ready to cal 911 because he was worried.
So my response to him was "instead of calling 911 why didn't you just call her for her birthday"
He came back saying some shit with " you know sKILLz I have alot of things on my mind"
I told him "come on now F. you act like your the only one with problems, well your not. you remembered to call your father for HIS birthday RIGHT you fucking scumbag" also with another few choice words I'm not going to post on here. Then I hung up on him before he could even respond.
He called my mother after my phone call and said I had no right to talk to him like that and so on.
He left me a voice mail saying some BULLSHIT that wasn't even true.
So I called him and left a voice mail saying basically to sum it up:
Fuck you
Fuck your father, he could die tomorrow and I wouldn't give a fuck
I haven't given a fuck about him for years and I wont for years to come
Hes a piece of shit and your becoming like him more and more each day.
You can let him listen to this voicemail because I don't give a FUCK
Fuck your Cunt of a wife who has no respect for my mother. She couldn't take 5 min out of her day and call her??
Again fuck you and your wife who has no respect and doesn't know how to treat people. I don't like the way she treats my mother and tell her I said shes another fucking scumbag asshole for all the things my mother did for her.
Again you only know how to call my mother when you want or need something.
He made a comment on my voicemail saying "you know people have lives"
So on my voicemail I said along with everything else "people have lives, why don't you think about the person who GAVE your your fucking life you SCUMBAG BASTARD!
That's alright because God doesn't like ugly and your life is looking pretty ugly to me" and then I hung up.
He called my mother and said I cant believe all the things she said on that voicemail, do you know whats she said. My mother knew because I called her and let her know and gave her a heads up.
Anyways bottom line today I went over to my mothers and surprised her with a visit and brought her some sugar free candy and just spent some time with her. She is always happy to have me over there even if for a few hours.
After I went to my mothers I went to cop some dope and I'm waiting for Gypsy to get home before I do it. Why did I go and get it? I don't know I am stressed and I honestly want to get high and just "get away" from all the bullshit running in my head and just get high.
Theres no justification for doing it but I know like I said I just want to "get away" and get high and feel nice..
I just finished taking the doggies on a nice long hour or so walk, then fed them and at around 9pm I'm going to meet Gypsy at her job and walk them again for a few. There last walk for the night will come around 1-2am or so.
There really good that way. They let me know when they have to go out and go. Bandit will start pacing and staying by the door, and if I am sleeping he will keep scratching my arms until I wake up and I know right away he has to go out.
It feels so great in here with the new windows and the new boiler. The windows are whats making the difference. Its keeping the heat in, instead of the old windows that when it snowed I could make you a ice slushy.
I am very grateful at this point and I don't mind getting out of bed and taking them out because i know I'm going to be coming back into a nice heated house, opposed to before where there were drafts and it was just horrible.
So in a nutshell that's whats been going on with me in the past day or so.
Hope everyone is doing well out there.....
Stay Up
7 comments:
Hey girl, I am sorry you are having to deal with all of this family drama and nonsense. I know the feeling all to well. But I wish you could find a way to let it go and loose some of that anger. You cant change people or make them act the way they should. Your anger is palpable. Your sibs will be the ones who will have to live with the regret of how they treated your mom when she leaves this world, god willing, like you said, many, many moons from now.
I hope by posting and sharing you are able to get it off your chest. Wish you didnt do the dope, you know it wont solve anything.
I will be dropping off my Uncle in Brooklyn this Sunday and will be thinking of you and sending you good thoughts.
Hugs to you...
~Kel
What a long post with graphics! Wow, the heat is going to your head. I liked it, except for the dope part, but that always make me sad for you kids. It sounds like you don't go completely off the map like my son does if he uses once.
I talked to him about being the kind of person who can't do anything ONCE. I honestly don't know if he gets it yet. But he's behind a locked door till next Christmas, so he can think it over.
Step away from the dope, Skillz.
You are better than that. Even if you do it and feel great for a couple of hours, you'll feel like shit for days and days afterwards. I live with an addict. I know how bad Mr. Jones can feel, how LOUD he calls to you, how softly he whispers in your ear. But, the fucker is a traitor to the nth degree. He doesn't give a flying crap about you, he just wants the escape hatch.
Find another escape. Write, read, roller skate, board, wrestle with your dogs. Your stupid brother
isn't worth a waltz with Mr. Jones. Far from it.
You Stay Up, Honey. Got it!?
Sorry to hear you have a full plate. I wish you could let some of the anger go. You can't control anyone's actions but your own. Right? I am close to someone who still feels the need to get "a bag" once in awhile. Usually after the stress builds up. It sucks that you have to even get to a point where you need that kind of relief. Keep it together, you are in my prayers.
Wow. I am so sorry you are in the midst of the crazyness as well - especially at this time of year.
Hopefully writing it all down helps you to let it go, I know it is why i write.
Thank you for your recent comment - It is much appreciated.
Now be sure to make plans and have a great Thanksgiving with those you love and who love you back!
P.S. I think you are right - god does not like ugly - and I am gonna keep that quote in my hat for future use! Thanks!
Cat
KEYS TO ADDICTION: RESENTMENTS AND CONTROL.
If you resent then you will be addicted, if you want to control then you will be addicted.
Not sure if I explained it, but the #1 ball and chain is resentment, and control is like the ball and chain on the other leg.
If you give up wanting to control others and just try to control yourself, you can leave the drugs. If you let go of resentments, then you can begin to love.
The only person you can change is yourself and only if you want to.
No lectures here, you know me, I'd be knee deep in the hoopla with ya if I was still there. But I am behaving but oddly enough the shit just ran through my mind as well, especially when it was offered by an OG who I came across. I didn't do it but I sure thought about it, so I can relate, right?
I miss you and Gypsy like crazy.
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