Where Are They Now?

Something about summer nights in Brooklyn that make me think about when I was growing up and was running wild, doing dumb shit and the people I used to hang with at the time. See summer in Brooklyn there was always something going on. Winters aren't much different but its just something about the heat, people being out all hours of the night, and just the smell in the air. It didn't matter if it was a weekend or a weekday there was always something to get into and most of the time it wasn't legal.
I used to hang out in Cooper projects alot and over there I caught alot of my "firsts". My first blunt, my first fight, my first time dropping acid, my first bag of dope and so on.
Everyday was like a new adventure. Everyday we were into some kind of trouble and it was fun because we felt like we were invincible of course. The crew I was hanging out with at the time was a few years older then me so they were into some heavy drugs and dealing. That's how I became addicted at such a young age. That's also where I met Ronnie. (RIP)
One guy who I used to hang out with who was dealing crack at the time had a mother who was addicted to crack and HIV positive as well. Only after 3 years of knowing him and his mother his mom passed away due to HIV and after that he went and became a crack addict as well and I just lost touch with him.
Another kid I used to hang out with his nickname was Flip. His mother was killed when a man tried to rob her and she only had like 30bucks and I guess that wasn't enough for him so he went and shot her killing right on the spot. Flip didn't even get to say goodbye.
Phillip was about the same age as me and man did he have shit on his plate. First off his father was a big time gangster/drug addict when the family was younger. He had 1 older sister and 1 younger sister. I hung out with the whole family really. They weren't far apart in age at all. The mother was on methadone for like 40years and she was HIV positive. All of the children became drug addicts. The sisters began selling themselves for drugs while Phil and I would go out robbing, stealing and selling drugs to provide for our habits. The mother died a slow and painful death as the children watched on helplessly. Sadly ALL of the children contracted HIV. The sisters got it from prostitution and Phillip got it from sharing needles from other junkies. I havent seen any of them in over 5 years.
Then there was Mike. Mike was another partner in crime with me. His father was an addict and died of and overdose. His mother worked her ass off to provide a good life for him his brother and sister. Mikes brother was always in and out of jail his whole life. I think hes locked of as of now doing a state bid. His sister had 2 children at an early age and smokes crack.
Mike became a heroin addict and we used to hustle together and get high together as well. I have tried to contact him several times and nothing since. Last I heard of Mike he was on a methadone program and he was working and doing really good. If thats true and a really hope it is I wish him nothing but the best.
These are just some of the people that come to my mind right now. I always wonder who they are, where they are, what there doing and if there even still alive. Do they think of me? What memories come to mind when they do? Well to the ones I just mentioned and all the others you are always in my thoughts and I wish you nothing but the best!
Stay Up!

Is It The Heat?

I don't know what it is lately but I feel like I'm just going to snap. Today on the bus going to my program there was fucking mayhem. As soon as Gypsy and I stepped onto the bus there was this Spanish guy fighting with the driver of the bus. What they were fighting about I wasn't too clear on. The Spanish guy says to the driver that he was "going to punch him in the face". As soon as he said that the driver stopped the bus and got on the phone calling the cops saying he had just bee threatened. He told the Spanish guy that if he didn't get off the bus that everyone else had to get off.
Now who's yelling at the Spanish guy, who's yelling at the driver and still the bus is parked and not moving. The Spanish guy buts his losses and gets off the bus.
After that some black lady with her little boy and husband who seemed to be a little slow to everyone started yelling at the driver saying that he "was going to Hell". As she yelling at the driver another black girl a little younger started yelling at the slow girl. Saying "this is my hood" and "they know me in the bookings". The slow black girl was getting off the bus at her stop and keep telling the other girl to get off the bus and fight her. The black girl was saying some shit like "fuck you, you methadone bitch". Now first off the girl wasn't even on the program she was just a little crazy and slow and raggy like, but if you ask me if the other girl would have got off the bus she would have gotten her ass beat!
Now Gypsy starts yelling at the black girl saying "don't go categorizing people that are in the program because not all of them are alike" I was waiting for the black girl to say something to Gypsy because honestly I don't know what would have happened. I don't know if I would have been able to control myself or not.
The black girl did not say a word and got off on the next stop.
As we pulled up to the Ikea and about 10 people got off I screamed "next time take the free fucking shuttle bus to Ikea"!
Ahhhh what a fucking day and its not over yet.........
Stay Up!

FUCK IKEA!

So they finally opened up the new Ikea in Red Hook. It opened up on June 18Th and since then the bus route I take has been fucked and packed with people going to the Ikea.
Now I don't understand as to why they get on my bus when all they have to do is wait and a FREE shuttle bus will take them right to the Ikea without stopping.
The first day it opened the bus drivers were so fed up with people asking them "does this bus go to Ikea"?.
Now it seems like they not only ask the drivers but they ask anyone who is getting on the B77 bus as well.
Everyday I try to get out earlier and earlier and yet it seems like the bus takes forever to come and when it finally does come the bus is so packed with people you can forget about a seat, your lucky if you can even get on the fucking thing.
Yeah I guess I'm just venting because this Ikea has made it so that now I REALLY hate going there. I mean I hated it before but now it makes the trip even more miserable to go on.
They keep saying there going to put more buses on the route to accommodate all the people,and the rush of people that take this bus and not the free shuttle. So far I have not seen a change!
Also you have people that go to the program and because they don't want to pay they jump on the free shuttle bus.
Do you really think that they want those fucking kinda people on that bus? When first off there not shopping at Ikea, there loud, there dirty, and just plain fucking nasty.
How long will it be before there taking pills on the bus, fighting, or selling drugs if there not doing it already because they don't give a fuck anyway.
I just need to get away from this shit....................Till Next time Homies!
Stay Up!

Out With The Old & In With The New

I didn't realize its been so long since I last made a post on here.

Lets see whats been going on in my life........

Were STILL doing major work on our apartment. Were getting new floors and were looking at paint shades to choose for each room. Were doing mostly all the work ourselves because the landlord doesn't really want to pay for anything because Gypsy own her apartment.
The easiest way I can explain it to people is its basically like shes rent control so she pays like a monthly fee which is cheaper then what the rent should be for this apartment in this area and for the amount of room we have. (The whole 2nd floor).
So the landlord feels like she should pay for certain thing when legally she doesn't have to. So we have been paying for things ourselves and just taking it off the monthly fee.
Our new beds are coming tomorrow and I can't fucking WAIT! Were getting a queen bed for us and then a twin bed that were putting in the living room and setting up as a day bed / couch.
Our hallway was a filthy mess for 2 months and I finally just couldn't take it anymore so I cleaned it. 2days after cleaning it I come home to a hallway filled to the top with garbage and broken up shit, and old beds and old rugs. Gypsy went in the hallway to tell the fucking pig Mexicans that live upstairs to stop putting there shit there and throwing shit there. Gypsy was pointing at the Mexicans wife and the wife took Gypsy's finger and twisted it.
Gypsy then told the husband to tell her wife to keep her fucking hands to herself because next time she will rip her neck off.
I was in the ambulance with my friend Gremlin because his sugar was too low and he was having a attack. When I came back up and she told me what happened I was getting ready to leave for a block party that Lisa was having by her moms house in Brooklyn I opened the door to 2 cops standing there wanting to talk to Gypsy about the encounter with the Mexican wife.

Now the Mexican cunt told the cops that Gypsy said she would get her dog to attack her when you ALL know she would never do that seeing that we do animal rescue and that's just fucking INSANE!
Make a long story short the cops took the report and left. Why do we have such pigs in our building? Why do people feel comfortable living in such filth?
I don't know and I don't want to know I just don't want that shit in my house! Were trying to get everything new and everything redone so that its going to look really fucking good and make us feel good when we come home to a nice clean new apartment.

We took Harley, our ShitZu, to get spayed on Saturday. We took him to the ASPCA Mobile Van that comes around once a month. He got his 3 yearly shots, his nails trimmed, and spayed for 7 dollars! How fucking cool is that?! So there is NO REASON for people to not have spayed there dog or cat!
When he was done he was still a little groggy but other then that hes doing fine and healing well. Bandit must sense that something is up because hes not fucking with him like normal.

Other then all that going on with us it seems like the same old same old with everyone else that we come in contact with at my program.
Still grimy, still not working, still begging, still envious, and still talking shit!
Fuck em! Were doing us and were going to keep on doing us!

Thanks to everyone that sends me love on here as well as emails.

From The Hospital To Harlem

First off sorry to those who read me on the regular. I know I should be posting more
often it's just that sometimes I either don't know how to get what I want to say out,
or what I'm trying to say doesn't come out right at ALL. I'm sure other bloggers
have the same problem right guys?!!?

Here's the lowdown, we are re-doing the whole apartment and I mean everything.
Out with the old and in with the new. I got a job, yes a real one, and I'm actually working
on getting a second one. So why not get things we not only need but want if we can?
See thats one thing about me, I might love to get high but I know when to draw
the fucking line and make sure the bills are paid and things get done. 
Gypsy and I just went to SLEEPYS and got a queen bed, a Tempur-Pedic, that feels like HEAVEN! I cant wait till everything is ready and we get it. You KNOW were going to
brake that fucker in!

Seems like people at our program are jealous because Gypsy and myself work,
and spend money on things we need and want.
See here's the thing the people I speak of now are fucking lowlifes and swear that they
are either better then most or they have class when they simply don't.
Of course I like getting high, but I like to pay my bills first, then get something for Gypsy, and myself. Of course I have to stay fly and then get high. With them its whatever money they
get they go and spend it on drugs. Dope, Crack, Pills, fucking whatever. Then when that money
runs out they just go out and steal something else sell it and do the whole thing over again.
Or they will come over to me or Gypsy and ask to borrow money because they spent
everything and now they don't have money for dog food. I'm sorry but if you had 100
yesterday theres no reason for you not to have dog food for the fucking week,
let alone the next day. Correct?


My good friend Lisa is back in the hospital so me and my homeboy Gremlin have
been going to see her everyday and also last week Gypsy and I got her to adopt
a cat from us. 6 days after getting the cat she goes into the hospital.
So we have been going to Harlem to
check on him, his name is BUSTER, I will post some pix up of him at a later time.
hopefully she will be getting out of the hospital this Monday so I really hope she does because I know being in the hospital and being sick sucks fucking stank ass balls. 

So that's just whats been going on over here. I'm still alive and kicking and to the one who's really care you have my email and don't be shy. I check it everyday, many times a day on my phone.

The Ritual

I would try to stay sleeping as long as I could. Then it came a point where I couldn't sleep any longer and I was beginning to get so dope sick I needed to get out of the bed and get well. I was
still living with my mother at this time so I had all and any drug shit stashed where she couldn't find them. I would get my kit and head right for the bathroom. Only when it was early morning when my mother was still sleeping would I stay in my room and get well, but most times I went
in the bathroom.
Once in the bathroom the ritual began. Taking out the needle, spoon, tie, cotton, and of course
the bags of dope. 
I would try to be as quiet as I could opening the bags and emptying them into the spoon.
Then once they were on in the spoon I would add the water. Mixing it and sucking it up into the needle were all part of the ritual.
Toward the end I needed 4 or 5 bags just to get well in the morning just so I could function and shower and brush my teeth. Sometimes I would have such a hard time finding a vein that it
would take me almost 30Min's just to get off. The needle would be filled almost to the top with blood and dope and I keep poking myself because I refused to skin it. I needed to get it right in, and see the blood.
Then once I got it, I would feel the warm rush inside my body and felt myself getting better. Suddenly any troubles I was thinking about slipped away even if it is only for that moment. Any and all pain is totally gone. Now the only thing I'm feeling is a warm comforting blanket all over my body. Its an amazing feeling, and I do love that feeling oh so much.

I Have Faith!

I honestly don't know where to begin. First off let me say sorry for not posting on the regular
here but all my close online peeps know whats been going on and I have been having mad
stress in my life.
Yes this is a great outlet for me to let it go and put my frustration outside of my mind of only for
a quick minute. However I feel somethings I shouldn't be putting out there for all and anyone to read.
Anyways I'm going to give everyone a lil bit about whats going on in my life.
Today I had court in Brooklyn and I honestly do not think its going good at all. I am out on 2
bails, for 2 different cases.
This case that I went for today it seems like the DA wants to take it to trial and theres no offer
as of yet. Now I know that if this goes to trial I have a strong possibility of doing some kind of
time. Not time in the sense I will have grey hairs when I come out but to me 1 day behind bars to too many!
Those that have been will feel me on that one!
I feel helpless for some reason even tho I know I can fight it and have my side of the story and I honestly feel like I'm not in the wrong, but that's a whole other topic.
I'm looking for some legit work and it seems like every door I think is going to open doesnt and it shuts on me.
However I'm not giving up and I'm keep on trucking!
I mean fuck, I'm going to be 28 this August. August 13Th for those that want to get me a gift (LOL).
I don't want to be running the streets and have my family and wife worrying about me if I'm coming home or not, if I'm getting into some kind of beef, or if some crackhead is going to try
to rob my fucking earnings. Yes I have sold drugs since I was young and if I wanted I could go
to one of my old connects and get something to sell right fucking now but like I said I just don't
fucking want that anymore. I want a "normal" life with my wife and our babies. Right now it
seems like something keeps getting in my way and the walls are getting higher and higher.
Other then all this shit that's going on Gypsy and I are thinking about taking in another dog and trying to save another one. Bandit is a dominant male and we cannot have another male in the house without some kind of static but we have been pretty lucky and I have faith that
whichever dog we take in next we will be able to work it out.
To all my real peeps I'm here and you know how to get at me so get at me whenever you can!
Stay Up!!

Content (Update)

This is a update on the blog I posted not too long ago titled "Bound To Happen".
The mother of the child, Judy, was sentenced to Rikers Island for 20 days and already has completed her time. Her daughter that was with her was taken from her and kept in custody
until her father came and gave a clean urine to them and showed he wasn't using drugs. Now
was it his urine that he gave I highly doubt that because he uses everything from beer to pills to crack. Either way he gave a clean urine and got the little girl back. She spent I believe 2 nights in there custody.
Since then I have seen Judy and it seems like nothing has changed with her. You think having
your child taken from you and sent to some strange facility would be enough for her to want to straighten her life out.
This past week we had to give Mazzy up for adoption. We found her a great family with a great home in Long Island and shes going to live a great life till the end of her days. When I had to give her up I felt as if I was giving up one of my children and it killed me to do so even though I knew she was going to a great home with a family that's going to give her the world.
Now you would think a mother who gave birth to this child would feel the same way and want to change things in her life so that something like that would never happen again but I guess not.
I saw her just yesterday and there she was dragging the little girl everywhere in the hood
trying to sell the few things she had stolen from the stores.
Seems to me like nothing has changed in her life and she either doesnt give a fuck about her
kids or shes just so used to living the life she has lived for over 30years that shes content with
how her life is going

"Hope"

I was going into The south side of Williamsburg to go and cop something. I already called my connect to make sure that he was there and that I didn't make the trip to wait or for nothing.
After I got out of the train and walked a few blocks I noticed in one of the alleyways there was a stray cat. I saw her and she looked just like one of my cats, Nila.
She was all tan with a all black tail and she had blue eyes. I said to myself after I cop
I will get some food and put it out for her. I looked down and saw 2 other plates so someone was feeding her as well. Then I rethought and said let me feed her now being shes here. So
I ran to the corner store and got some food for her, and ran back and put it down fro her. I started calling her "Hope" because that's the name of the street I found her on.
When I put the food down I backed away and saw she started eating it. I left her there with the food and said if she comes to me on the way back then maybe I can save her.
So I proceeded to go see my connect. Now as I'm going to cop off him I'm not the only one there was 3 other people who came in behind me.
So I go in, he served me first, I stashed it away and then left. I was in the building for about 3minutes.
So I started walking back the same way I came to go and check out Hope. I get to the alleyway where I saw her and being it was nighttime I couldn't see to well. So I took out my flashlight and
started looking for her and calling out to her. The next thing I hear in a mans voice is
"what are you doing", now I thought it was either the super or the landlord maybe even
a tenant in the building. I picked my head up and the it was a white man holding a gold shield.
He was with a Spanish man and they were both under covers.
I explained to him that I do animal rescue & I'm trying to save this cat for the past week.
I showed him all the empty dishes that were on the ground and said I had put them all there
and I was taking care of her.
He asked me if I had anything on me that I'm not supposed to have, I replied with
"the only thing you will find on me is pepper spray and a pocket knife. "Why do you carry the pepper spray" he asked.
I explained to him that I go into areas where they fight pit bulls and I'm also a female
who rides the trains late at night and I will not become a victim.
He asked if I had ID, I said yes and I went toward my wallet to give them my wallet.
They got a little excited and said please don't make any moves like that. After he said
that to me I stood with my hands up and they asked to check me and my pocket and shit.
I said yes go right ahead you find anything on me.
He asked me where I was coming from and I told him that I used to live in this area
and I know alot of people here. I said that someone came up to me and told me that there
was a dog tied up to a radiator and his bones were stinking out and I went into the building that they pointed out to me and I went to check it out.
He asked why didn't I call the Animal Control first. I told them that if they take him he
will get put got or put on the euth list, and I have the authority to take them in and foster
them out to people in order to save them from being put down.
The under covers said the building you were in is a known drug spot and that's why I was being stopped. I said to them "I don't deny that I did go in the building but I wanted to check and
see if there was a dog in there and if he was alive or dead or what".
One of the cops said "OH we KNOW you went into the building but we wanted to make sure you weren't doing anything you should be".
After that the white cop then asked if he could check around my waistline, I said no problem
he felt around my waist and felt my cellphone holder and where I hang my flashlight. He asked what it was and I told him, he said do you mind if I lift your shirt because it feels like a gun.
I said no problem the only thing your going to see is my sexy tummy. They laughed and then
saw it was nothing. After that they gave me back all my stuff that they had taken out of my pockets and said sorry for stopping you.
I said no problem I know your just doing your job its all good.
Now a few things that I think saved me were that I knew the lingo as far as rescuing animals and I also had my ACC volunteer card on me which they saw.
I was dressed fly (as always). I had on brand new all white uptowns, I had on all my jewelry, my gold chain and crucifix, my gold earrings, and my fathers pinkie ring which is worth alot,
at least I got something from the fucker right?! I had my iPod Touch on me and I also had on a $300 Harley Davidson leather vest.
So they saw I wasn't a bummed out "junkie" like that. Also one of the biggest things that I think saved me was the cat Hope and  the food I put down for her and the other plates that were there.
So I dodged a bullet big time.

Bound To Happen

A so called homegirl of mine from the program got popped for shoplifting. Her name is Judy and she has a twin sister Joann and
there known for boosting, been doing it for YEARS! Now when she got caught this past Saturday she had her daughter with her. The little girl is no more than 11 years old and already she knows how to boost.
The mother (if you want to call her that) shows her what to take from the stores, how to
take, to be a lookout and that its only ok when you do it with me because were stealing to get money to eat for the family is what she tells the daughter.
She also has a son who is about 5 or 6 years old she also takes him into the stores with her
to steal.
Her husband also drags the kids around stealing in the stores and God forbid they take
something without the parents telling them then they will get in trouble because they
weren't told to take it for the family to eat.
Meanwhile its not for the family to eat its for the mother and father to smoke crack,
shoot dope, do pills and drink beer.
The mother already has a ACS case pending, and they arrested her this time they took the daughter from her.
Now in my opinion I mean I know the mother and father are not the best thing going for her but that's all she knows. God forbid she gets put into a home where the people abuse her sexually or physically or even mentally?! Then what? What kind of chance does this little girl have? What kind of chance does the son have? Everyday they see things that little kids should not be seeing. Everyday in the summer when they don't have school they drag them everywhere till all hours of the night. They don't go to school everyday and of course there happy with that cause no kid really wants to go to school.
Last summer the kids would see me everyday and every time he would see me I would either have my iPod or my PSP so of course they wanted to use it. They don't have anything like that and if they do get it,
 it gets sold not too much longer.
So I would let them use it and share it, 2 songs for him and then 2songs for you I would say.
The mother has a older son about 20 and hes already a known thief, and dope fiend.
So again that's just another example of what kind of chances do these kids have? I feel bad for Judy for getting locked up and loosing her little girl but I mean how long can you do
something and not expect to get caught out there? Whats it going to take for you to understand that you already have a case going, your worker is on your ass and then your going to
take the kids out with you while you go boosting and copping drugs?
If you pray or have a higher power please say a prayer that the little girl is ok and that no harm comes to her.