Happy Turkey Day!!

Just want to say thanks to everyone that has been commenting on my recent blog posts.

Had a great holiday. Gypsy, my mom, & I went out to eat for dinner. This is the very first Thanksgiving that we all have ever been out for dinner.
It was a great dinner & we had a great time I am very happy to say.

I am going to apply for a job tomorrow so wish me luck.

Other then that been chilling trying to stay out of trouble and just got home to the babies and watching a mini-marathon of "Lockup RAW". I love any shows that have to do with prison. I don't know why I hate the place and anyone being there that doesn't TRUELY deserve it however I enjoy watching any kind of Documentaries or shows on it.

I really wish everyone had a good holiday and it was stress free.
Stay Up!

Stressed... & Venting.....

Dam another post in a row? This has GOT to be a record. You know what it is, its that I have alot going on in my life and alot going on in my mind and I figure that before I blow the fuck up and end up in jail for taking my frustration out on the wrong person I might as well try to vent some of my shit on here you know?

Ok here it goes as you know from my last post my brother didn't even call my mother for her birthday and I know it hurt her and she told me not to call him and not get mad.
Well last night my brother called me saying he cant get in touch with my mother and he was getting ready to cal 911 because he was worried.
So my response to him was "instead of calling 911 why didn't you just call her for her birthday"
He came back saying some shit with " you know sKILLz I have alot of things on my mind"
I told him "come on now F. you act like your the only one with problems, well your not. you remembered to call your father for HIS birthday RIGHT you fucking scumbag" also with another few choice words I'm not going to post on here. Then I hung up on him before he could even respond.
He called my mother after my phone call and said I had no right to talk to him like that and so on.
He left me a voice mail saying some BULLSHIT that wasn't even true.

So I called him and left a voice mail saying basically to sum it up:
Fuck you
Fuck your father, he could die tomorrow and I wouldn't give a fuck
I haven't given a fuck about him for years and I wont for years to come
Hes a piece of shit and your becoming like him more and more each day.
You can let him listen to this voicemail because I don't give a FUCK
Fuck your Cunt of a wife who has no respect for my mother. She couldn't take 5 min out of her day and call her??
Again fuck you and your wife who has no respect and doesn't know how to treat people. I don't like the way she treats my mother and tell her I said shes another fucking scumbag asshole for all the things my mother did for her.
Again you only know how to call my mother when you want or need something.

He made a comment on my voicemail saying "you know people have lives"

So on my voicemail I said along with everything else "people have lives, why don't you think about the person who GAVE your your fucking life you SCUMBAG BASTARD!
That's alright because God doesn't like ugly and your life is looking pretty ugly to me" and then I hung up.

He called my mother and said I cant believe all the things she said on that voicemail, do you know whats she said. My mother knew because I called her and let her know and gave her a heads up.

Anyways bottom line today I went over to my mothers and surprised her with a visit and brought her some sugar free candy and just spent some time with her. She is always happy to have me over there even if for a few hours.

After I went to my mothers I went to cop some dope and I'm waiting for Gypsy to get home before I do it. Why did I go and get it? I don't know I am stressed and I honestly want to get high and just "get away" from all the bullshit running in my head and just get high.
Theres no justification for doing it but I know like I said I just want to "get away" and get high and feel nice..

I just finished taking the doggies on a nice long hour or so walk, then fed them and at around 9pm I'm going to meet Gypsy at her job and walk them again for a few. There last walk for the night will come around 1-2am or so.
There really good that way. They let me know when they have to go out and go. Bandit will start pacing and staying by the door, and if I am sleeping he will keep scratching my arms until I wake up and I know right away he has to go out.

It feels so great in here with the new windows and the new boiler. The windows are whats making the difference. Its keeping the heat in, instead of the old windows that when it snowed I could make you a ice slushy.
I am very grateful at this point and I don't mind getting out of bed and taking them out because i know I'm going to be coming back into a nice heated house, opposed to before where there were drafts and it was just horrible.

So in a nutshell that's whats been going on with me in the past day or so.
Hope everyone is doing well out there.....
Stay Up

As So Goes.....

Wow 3 days in a row of posting I think this is a record for me blogging....LOL

Well I have good news to day we have a BRAND NEW boiler. We have heat and hot water and its Pumping!!
Last night I went to my mother because like I posted it was her birthday and I got her what I said I was going to get her and boy O boy was she surprised. She was crying tears of joy and that made me happy because I knew how happy I made her.
My sister called her and I'm sure she mailed her a card and its just going to come late. If she doesn't then I have more faith in her then I thought and shes a real fucking asshole.
My brother didn't even CALL HER!!! Can you fucking believe that shit???
I KNOW that hurt my mother so much and for that fact I wanted to go and fucking beat the living SHIT outta him because like I said I know how much it hurt her.
I was going to call him in the morning when I woke up because I slept over and we had dinner together and my mother didn't want me to call because she wanted to see how long it would take him to remember for him to call her.
She said "he remembered his fathers birthday what was it to remember mine and just call me", ughhhh when she said that it made me wanna hurt him EVEN MORE!!!!
I swear this is breaking up our family even more then it was before. I mean we were never a tight family. The song that always reminds me of my family is "FAMILY PORTRAIT" by "PINK"
Just the words, if you don't know the song then listen to them and it is pretty close to painting a picture of what my family was like only it was 100x worse.

Hey no ones family is perfect but growing up with a scumbag gambler & alcoholic father why would beat the shit outta me for nothing is pretty FUCKED no???
I certainly think so.
I don't know if I'm a addict because of it or not who's to ever say. I know I was running the streets and getting high to get away from my house and the shit that was going on in it so I know that, then just got too deep too fast. Liked running the streets, liked hanging out, liked getting high......as so goes the start of my addiction.....

I Dont Get It

Thanks everyone for there comments on my last post.
To day I'm going to post a little on the subject of family.
See what sucks is today is my moms birthday and like I said in the above post what I was going to get for her and I did and I'm also going to spend the night with her and we are going to eat diner together and I KNOW just me being there makes her fucking day but I went out of my way for her as I try to do each year because she has done so much for me.
Now here it is 6 PM and my older sister and older brother haven't even CALLED her yet. What the FUCK type shit is that?! Who raised you, you fucking motherfucking scumbags?!?!
See my mother knows how I am and she doesn't want me to say anything to them or to fight with them because if her and I'm like "ma I can only take but so much before I explode"
I know for a FACT they are waiting for my mother to pass to see what she has left them in her will. I know that when she finally does pass and God PLEASE let it be many many moons from now that that's when they will come out of the woodwork and see what was left to them.
When my mom was at the hospital when she first got diagnosed with diabetes my brother went to see her once, and my sister didn't even come down and see not a one time. Me, I went EVERYDAY faithfully after my clinic and would sit with her and do crosswords and watch TV just do whatever to pass the time.
It just so happens that she was in the hospital on Mother Day and I was the ONLY one who got her something and who came to see her and spend time with her.
You don't know how much it KILLS me to know that they are hurting my mother SO FUCKING MUCH!
I know that when she is gone there going to be sorry for the time they lost out on her.
I think that the fact that they both chose to stick to my father side played a big part as well. Why would you even talk to that man for? He was a gambler a alcoholic, and he used to throw us beating for no fucking reason. Shit and that's not even the HALF of the shit I went threw as a child but that's another blog. I think I have blogged about my father before I have to go back and check.
Anyways bottom line hes a fucking lowlife motherfucker and he doesn't deserve my piss if he was on fire and yet my sister and brother chose to talk to him, and visit with him and send him cards and so on. So WTF is so hard about doing the same for your mother?
I'm sorry but I don't get it and NEVER will!
Hope everyone is doing well and getting ready for the holidays.
Stay Up Everyone!

Happy Birthday Mommy I love You Always!!

Well here it goes this is whats been going on in my life....

Today I had to miss the clinic because FINALLY we got brand new windows all 6 of them. They measure 37x107 & 37x94 so you can imagine how fucking much they were. Then hopefully later this week the new boiler is coming in. We have been with out heat and hot water for too long. Having to boil water every fucking night for showers is just not livable conditions. So we are VERY happy about that happening.
The dogs were very good I must say. Bandit is the one who doesn't like anyone, however when you come in the house and he sees that I ALLOW you to come in hes ok with it. Myla is just a sweetie pie and a mush, that's why I will NEVER understand why what happened with Charlie happened. I just have to stop blaming myself and move on as hard as it is to even think about it. Just the THOUGHT of her makes me cry.
Like I said before we don't have kids but our animals ARE our kids so it was a hard blow a VERY hard one.

I'm still looking for work. Finally had some time on the computer and sent out about 10 resumes and I'm just keeping my fingers crossed.
Same old shit at the clinic. I try very hard to not even talk with anyone but its like even if I have my iPod on or if I'm reading a book they come over and start talking nothing but junkie fucking talk.
Tomorrow is my moms Birthday. She said she doesn't want anything but of course I'm going to get her something. Believe it or not she doesn't have a DVD player so I was going to get her one and to start off her collection I was going to get her the " I LOVE LUCY" complete series. I saw it at Target for only 150 so what she worth it with all the shit she put up with me.
Talk about shit I was the only one out of all of her children (theres 3 of us. I have a older brother and sister) who even got her something last year.
You cant take time out to send her a fucking CARD??
See this is one of the reasons why I know for a fact that when my mother passes away I will probably be totally on my own.
My brother is a scumbag and still talks and comforts my father. My sister lives upstate and also talks to my father and they BOTH seem to only call my mother when they want or need something. I call my mom every fucking day. She is a diabetic and shes in her 60's you know God forbid but anything can happen. Plus I go and stay over a few nights a week because I know she loves just having me there. Plus sometimes I bring some laundry and get it done for free. LOL.

Anyways I'm still alive and kickin....barley somedays.......

"You had my heart, and we'll never be world apart Maybe in magazines, but you'll still be my star Baby cause in the dark, we can't see shiny cars And that's when you need me there With you I'll always share Because When the sun shine We'll shine together Told you I'll be here forever Said I'll always be your friend Took an oath imma stick it out 'till the end Now that it's raining more than ever Know that we still have each other You can stand under my umbrella"

McDonalds & Movies

So this morning Gypsy and I didn't even want to get out of bed but we had to go to to the program. Its the weekend and if you don't go today that means no dose for today or Sunday and then when you go in on Monday you have to be re-instated and they take 10Mg's from your normal dose.
So finally after dragging our butts out of bed we got showered and dressed. We were running late so we had to jump into a cab and its not that far so only cost 6 bucks.
While on line at the program my friend Judy's kids came over to me and hugged on me and said hello. I told them to wait outside because I honestly feel like that's no place for any children to be in.
After getting dosed we went outside and waited for the bus to go to breakfast. We have a ritual of somewhat, every Saturday after the program we go to McDonald's for there breakfast. So while we were waiting for the bus Judys kids were playing with me and joking around. I love those kids because I feel like when the kids are with me there KIDS and they don't have to listen to junky talk, and be around drug talk or anything of that nature.
So as the bus pulled up the boy jumped on my back and asked if he could come with me I told him to ask your mother and she said she was waiting for someone and that she would meet up with us.
Unfortunately they never showed up and Gypsy and I did give them enough time to come and they never did.
So after breakfast and waiting for Judy and the kids we decided to go to the movies. "SAW V" came out last night and I LOVE all of the "SAW" movies and so does Gypsy. We caught the 11:50am showing and it was on!

Honestly I did enjoy it but I really think they should leave it alone, and stop with it you know? I mean don't try to make it into like how the "Halloween" & "Nightmare On Elm Street" movies went on and on.

So we just got back home from the movies, we went and got something to eat for later because its supposed to rain heavy way into the night. So I walked our babies and now everyone is sleeping well and I think its starting to rain already...
Till Next time..
stay up!

POP OFF

Wow man time fucking flies I'm telling you. I'm just now realizing that I haven't blogged in almost a month.
I guess the main reason for me not blogging is because I don't really have much going on in my life that I would put on blast.
Some of the things going on in my life are very personal and I don't feel all that comfortable with sharing them with just anyone that comes along my blog.
My normal readers or other people I hooked up with on the net know whats going on and if I haven't filled you in you know how to holla at me so get at cha Brooklyn Bitch.
Other then that I STILL feel like I'm ready to fucking POP OFF at any minute, STILL feel like I have the world on my shoulders and I hate the fact that no matter what I do its never enough for the people around me.
I'm STILL looking for real work, LEGIT work and STILL nothing.
Just a few days ago I was given the chance to work but not doing the right thing and making the quick buck. I said I would think about it and I have been thinking about it because I don't feel its right for alot of the weight to fall on Gypsy. I will see how that goes....
STILL people at my program are talking shit and STILL I feel like I can POP OFF on any one of them at any given time.
Just this week one bitch made a remark to someone "that's why I hate lesbians because there always nasty to me, those fucking lesbian bitches I cant stand them" and someone had to hold me down because I felt like a pit bull ready to attack and if she wasn't a real friend she would have gone with me to kick her ass. Instead she held me back and made me think that shes not worth it and I have shit to lose and she ain't shit to me.

My friends son is in Rikers and I got a letter from him the other day letting me know I was practically the only one who has written him and he tends on doing the right thing when he comes home. Hes coming home on November 3rd I believe and he is only 20 years old so I have been trying to let him know that robbing and running the streets and getting high is not cool and is not fun. I have been there and don't that I told him and I'm just trying to get some sense into him. He says hes going to do the right thing but anyone can talk all that good shit in there while being locked down but once you hit the streets its a whole other story!

Other then all that Myla is still with us and were still looking for a home for her. Shes a hard one. We have really grown to love her despite her killing our cat, Charlie Girl.
Also Gypsy and I went to go see the Scissor Sisters here in NY City. They were playing under another name and we got the heads up and you needed a password to get in and we did not know what it was. However gypsy wrote a email to someone I don't even know who and the woman put us on the list and WE GOT IN! We were so close they had to pass us to get on stage! Oh man it was fucking great! Amanda LePore was the starting act and then they came on and ROCKED IT! A shot of Jack was 7 bucks! I couldn't fucking believe it!
We had a great time and I was really glad we went and got out of the house together!!
Its starting to get cold here in New York and I love it. I love the winter just something about it. I love the snow and the hoodies and the Timberland Boots and matching hats and matching gloves I always have and wear, like I said just something about it.
Anyways I hope all my peeps are doing well and holding there heads up high!

*TAGGED*

Ok I got "tagged" and heres the deal about this:

Here are the rules:

1. Link the person who tagged you.

2. Mention the rules on your blog.

3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.

4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.

5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.


I got tagged by KEL

I going to tag:
Dying4Something2Live4
Lou
Mother Of A Drug Addict
BlankFrank
Babz
Victoria

Six Unspectacular Things About Me

1. I am very anal about my gear. I have everything color coordinated and when I take off my sneakers or boots I clean them up and put them in the box they came in.
I keep all my long sleeve shirts together, hoodies together and so on.

2. I love animals more then people. I'm sorry but people seem to always disappoint and just lately really fucking annoy me to no end.

3. I try to do a million things in one day. I start out my day thinking what I have to do and think about all things I am going to do but somehow I never get everything done. Out of 20 things I thought I could get done in the day I might only get 3-5 done if that.

4. I have OCD when it comes to keeping my hands clean, but I'm lazy when it comes to cleaning my house. I would rather pay someone then do it myself but I always end up doing it myself.

5. I love to watch COPS, or any kind of prison shows or anything of that nature but I cant stand cops and hate jail or prison & hate that i have close friend that are locked down.

6. I can do anything with a computer. I can make one from parts and I can fix anything that's wrong with any ones computer. One time my own computer crashed and it took me about 9hours to fix it but after I did what I did its now running like new.
People come to me asking me if I can fix there computers ( of course I charge them), people ask me to put music and videos on there MP3s or iPods but I don't do that for people anymore because they don't appreciate it so that's dead. I only do it for myself, Gypsy, or REALLY close friends.

Ok that's about it. Now to the people I tagged you better do it. If I took time out and did it so can you!
Stay Up!

Chon Chon?

Just wanted to let everyone know that I have not forgotten I have been "tagged" and I will get to it probably tonight.
I have been working very hard at my new job that I'm kinda digging.

I will update my blog asap.

Thanks to all my new "crew members" and I am hanging in there.

Sending some real Brooklyn loving to all!

Stay Up!

*RIP CHARLIE GIRL*

I have never felt more empty then I do right now.....

I'm not going to re-live it over but all I will say is my cat Charlie had to be put down tonight after something bad happened to her.
I feel like someone has a piece of my soul.
RIP my Charlie Girl you will be missed each & everyday..............

I don't really feel like blogging anymore but I feel I owe it to the people that read my shit to know whats going on since my last post which I believe I did yesterday? Wow I'm in a fucking fog.
Anyways Judy the woman that was arrested was taken to Rikers Island last night, I got a call from the husband Flip about an hour before I got a call from Judy in Rikers. Flip called me wanting to know if I could please call Rikers and find out any info on Judy that I could. He has a pre-paid phone and could only put 10 dollars worth on the phone so that if Judy could call him we would be able to get the call, and also that if the children could call him somehow or if ACS needed to get in touch with him.
I had no problem with making the calls for him and all I could find out was that her bail was $1000 and I got her ID#.
I called him and let him know that. Also told him that my phone is on 24/7 and if he needed me to call anyone for him to just let me know.
About an hour later I was on the bus going to my mothers house to do some laundry, and I was also sleeping over the night and my phone rang and it was Judy calling me from Rikers.
She wanted to give me her Food Stamp Card #'s & pin because she had the card on her and she wanted Flip to have them in case he needed to buy food, or cash stamps in for money.
To those that don't know there are stores that will take your food stamps and cash them in as if you bought something and give you cash back. Of course you don't get the full amount you only get 7 dollars for every 10 you give out.
So I wrote down what she wanted me to, and I asked her when she was going back to court and she said tomorrow.
She was upset that her kids were taken and found out from me that Flip was out of jail and he had the phone turned on.
So after like 2 more minutes of talking we got cut off & I called Flip and let him know everything she wanted me to tell him and also that she would be in court tomorrow.
He thanked me over & over, and again I told him no problem & to call if he needed anything. My last word to him were "go get your kids homie"!
Today I was bringing the laundry back home and then going to walk my dogs real quick and then head to my program.
As I was at my apartment with Gypsy Judy called me from her phone, she said that they let her go. She said she had a really great judge and that she didn't actually leave the store with the items so that played a big factor. I told her she had a fucking angel over her and she was 1 luck bitch! She asked if I could bring her a shirt because she was wearing them same one she had on and was going right to the program because she was sick as a dog.
I grabbed a black tee and headed to the program. I saw Judy, gave her the shirt and she told me after the program she was headed to court to see what she can do to get her kids back.

Since seeing her at the program she called me around 3pm and she was still in court waiting. I told her to call me to let me know what was going on.
I have not heard from her since. I don't know if she got her kids, if ACS still has them, or if they are trying to keep them from her and put them in permanent foster care.

So thats that for now, I'm going to try and keep my mind from racing and get some sleep.