Its almost 7am here now and soon I have to be up to go to my program anyway. The dose I'm on now is definitely not holding me. I'm on 60mg but feel I should be raised but at the same time I don't want to be raised. The program I was on before I was on 70mg and it was the cherry. (I'm on the white now). I got kicked off that program for fighting but that was some bullshit anyway. I'm sure I will explain exactly what happened in another post at another time.
So when I was being detoxed off the last program I remember how hard it was, and how horrible I felt. Especially when I got down to like 20 and 10mg! I'm talking feeling like real shit! That's why I'm so scared to be raised, I don't want to be on this forever. I don't want to come to the program walking with a cane, have to come in a access a ride or God forbid a wheelchair or something crazy like that.
You can see what people were in front of you doses were and sometimes I see 150mg all the way up to like 230mg! Now even when I was shooting 20-25bags a day do I even begin to think I would need 230mgs. I do know that certain medication eats the methadone up and that's why some people are on such a high dose. However I do know that some people are just plain greedy and want as much free methadone as they can get. 98% of the people there do not pay, they have Medicaid here and that pays for everything. It will pay for teeth but do they go and get them? NO! They would rather sit in Dunkin Doughnuts and bullshit until early night about drama in the program, or who's fucking this one, or who's selling this, who owes this one this amount. When I tell you its nothing but bullshit I mean it, and usually I hear the same conversations over and over for DAYS! I keep saying that there is nothing I haven't seen but they continue to amaze each time.
I dread going there, seeing those people hearing the bullshit. Even with my iPod on they still come up to me and try to talk to me. Even when I shoot them dirty looks they will come over ask for a smoke and try to strike up a conversation. Sometimes I think they do it on purpose to fuck with me or sometimes they come over to check out what I have on and what I'm sporting.
They will spend their last dollar on drugs I will at least try to buy something to show for the money I made, so they get jealous when they see me in my new
Timberlands that they want and could have if they didn't blow all there welfare and hustling money on! Crazy thing is I don't get any kind of welfare, not even food stamps and I make money no matter what it takes. (as long as I don't sell my ass) I just could never bring myself to do that. I don't knock the hustle its just not my thing. Even if I have to go without so things can happen then so be it.
They don't see it like that. They will even go out and steal clothes but sell them all.
Shit at least steal something for yourself so your not wearing the
same rags day in
day out, and your not hating on my shit!
Oh and on Saturdays its even worse because its either they have been up all night smoking crack and drinking beer all the way into the morning and came to the program like that. Or they rolled right out of bed or wherever they were sleeping and came just like that. I swear this one bitch had all this lint, and fuzz in her hair it was crazy! You can play guess that smell in there on Saturdays I swear that's how fucking bad it is!
I guess I'm just ranting now because I'm just going on and on about how I hate going there and seeing those people.
Thanks for listening.
So when I was being detoxed off the last program I remember how hard it was, and how horrible I felt. Especially when I got down to like 20 and 10mg! I'm talking feeling like real shit! That's why I'm so scared to be raised, I don't want to be on this forever. I don't want to come to the program walking with a cane, have to come in a access a ride or God forbid a wheelchair or something crazy like that.
You can see what people were in front of you doses were and sometimes I see 150mg all the way up to like 230mg! Now even when I was shooting 20-25bags a day do I even begin to think I would need 230mgs. I do know that certain medication eats the methadone up and that's why some people are on such a high dose. However I do know that some people are just plain greedy and want as much free methadone as they can get. 98% of the people there do not pay, they have Medicaid here and that pays for everything. It will pay for teeth but do they go and get them? NO! They would rather sit in Dunkin Doughnuts and bullshit until early night about drama in the program, or who's fucking this one, or who's selling this, who owes this one this amount. When I tell you its nothing but bullshit I mean it, and usually I hear the same conversations over and over for DAYS! I keep saying that there is nothing I haven't seen but they continue to amaze each time.
There was a fight, blood was shed, pills were dropped in the blood and yes you got it someone who wasn't even in the fight picked the pills up bloody and all and ate them!! This is the bitch who ate them. Didn't even think to wash them off or anything, nope just popped em right on in and waited for them to take effect! Shit FREE PILLS, that's all they were thinking!
I take my camera out with me most of the time because normal people wouldn't believe it if they didn't see it. Just so happens the bloody pills day I didn't have my camera go figure.I dread going there, seeing those people hearing the bullshit. Even with my iPod on they still come up to me and try to talk to me. Even when I shoot them dirty looks they will come over ask for a smoke and try to strike up a conversation. Sometimes I think they do it on purpose to fuck with me or sometimes they come over to check out what I have on and what I'm sporting.
They will spend their last dollar on drugs I will at least try to buy something to show for the money I made, so they get jealous when they see me in my new
Timberlands that they want and could have if they didn't blow all there welfare and hustling money on! Crazy thing is I don't get any kind of welfare, not even food stamps and I make money no matter what it takes. (as long as I don't sell my ass) I just could never bring myself to do that. I don't knock the hustle its just not my thing. Even if I have to go without so things can happen then so be it.
They don't see it like that. They will even go out and steal clothes but sell them all.
Shit at least steal something for yourself so your not wearing the
same rags day in
day out, and your not hating on my shit!
Oh and on Saturdays its even worse because its either they have been up all night smoking crack and drinking beer all the way into the morning and came to the program like that. Or they rolled right out of bed or wherever they were sleeping and came just like that. I swear this one bitch had all this lint, and fuzz in her hair it was crazy! You can play guess that smell in there on Saturdays I swear that's how fucking bad it is!
I guess I'm just ranting now because I'm just going on and on about how I hate going there and seeing those people.
Thanks for listening.
5 comments:
You could drop gold in a pile of blood and I probably wouldn't pick it up. Well, at least, not without gloves anyways. And a HUGE bottle of disinfectant. You couldn't have paid me on a bet to swallow those pills.
I gotta agree with the selling your ass thing, I couldn't do it either. I have friends that have done it, and I was jealous of their pockets full of cash, but a lot of them have STDS and and bad rep to go along with it. I couldn't have a strange man on me, I get sickened pretty easily.
It's getting harder and harder just to make ends meet these days and I don't think things will be getting better anytime soon.
Prison is just wrought with bullshit like that, huh? The sounds, the smell, uuuuggg! Makes you wanna tell 'em to go wash their ass and pick that nasty wool outa your hair. I feel ya!
When I was in if a bitch was stinky we would all just take her ass and throw her in the shower. No matter how hard she fought. Im like "its just water you sick bitch"!
Oh Pink I totally know what you mean, you could pay me enough. I would rather go rob a nigga before eating them shits off the fucking floor with BLOOD on them, SOMEONE ELSE'S BLOOD!
CRAZY BITCH!
Wow...that's some crazy stuff. We did a little time at a methadone clinic before he decided he wanted to quit cold-turkey (which then included 4 relapses)...it was a crazy place...I don't know which place was crazier...the clinic or our house with all the sickness and relapsing.
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